Dear Vickee, I am sad and angry that your mother was so self-absorbed that she neglected and mistreated you, invaded your separateness, and, unforgivably, let you be abused. At the same time, I'm amazed that you can write about your experiences with your mother in such a calmly reflective and insightful way. Perhaps the silver lining is that you learned to be such a fine mom by staying in touch with your unmet needs for mothering and making sure you met those needs in your own children. You have brought light to the darkness. Thank you for including your readers in your story and your truth.
Thank you Glen. It took me a long time to get to place of peace about my mother and to be able to talk and write about the relationship without feeling guilty. And yes, I do know that I put a lot more into my kids and met so many more of their needs. At times though, it caused me to over-parent because I went so far in the opposite direction. Apparently that's a pretty common phenomenon for my generation. My parent has changed a lot since I realized that though and hopefully that's something that my own children can forgive me for in the years prior.
I’ve just seen a Whitney Goodman post about enmeshment that references behaviour that sounds like your mother. I can only say, well done. What you’ve managed to do is not easy, particularly facing the societal taboo regarding the sacredness of Mother. As an adult, the only pleasant interaction with my mother happened late in her life when she was suffering from dementia and didn’t actually know who I was! Wishing you and yours well and admiring your courage.
That “well done” is much appreciated Valerie! ❤️ I’m sorry to hear about the similarities with your own mother as well. I was hesitant to post this one, but thought I might be touching on something that other people are experiencing too, and it’s always nice to know that you aren’t alone.
Dear Vickee, I am sad and angry that your mother was so self-absorbed that she neglected and mistreated you, invaded your separateness, and, unforgivably, let you be abused. At the same time, I'm amazed that you can write about your experiences with your mother in such a calmly reflective and insightful way. Perhaps the silver lining is that you learned to be such a fine mom by staying in touch with your unmet needs for mothering and making sure you met those needs in your own children. You have brought light to the darkness. Thank you for including your readers in your story and your truth.
Thank you Glen. It took me a long time to get to place of peace about my mother and to be able to talk and write about the relationship without feeling guilty. And yes, I do know that I put a lot more into my kids and met so many more of their needs. At times though, it caused me to over-parent because I went so far in the opposite direction. Apparently that's a pretty common phenomenon for my generation. My parent has changed a lot since I realized that though and hopefully that's something that my own children can forgive me for in the years prior.
I’ve just seen a Whitney Goodman post about enmeshment that references behaviour that sounds like your mother. I can only say, well done. What you’ve managed to do is not easy, particularly facing the societal taboo regarding the sacredness of Mother. As an adult, the only pleasant interaction with my mother happened late in her life when she was suffering from dementia and didn’t actually know who I was! Wishing you and yours well and admiring your courage.
That “well done” is much appreciated Valerie! ❤️ I’m sorry to hear about the similarities with your own mother as well. I was hesitant to post this one, but thought I might be touching on something that other people are experiencing too, and it’s always nice to know that you aren’t alone.