A Day in the Life of Shakespeare’s Pen.
The musings of a vexed writing device.
Day after day, night after night I am awakened to the doth’s and thee’s of my master, pleading only for a moment to comprehend what he writes.
Never have I heard a soul speak as he and believe that I never will again.
He will certainly not make sense of his own life, not ever become a man of worth or remembrance if he continues with such gibberish.
No being will ever want to read such disarray that cannot be comprehended. No one will care for such nonsense.
These pointless pieces of drivel will die with him and William Shakespeare will be forgotten. Condemned to a non-existent legacy of his own blathering creation.
I wrote this non-sensical piece in high school when I was 15 years old. I ran across it again a couple weeks ago and thought it was worth sharing because it’s light and silly and because it’s my partner’s favorite. I’m not really sure what that says about my writing if this is his favorite piece of mine. I certainly don’t think it’s my best representation, but then again, he loves all things Mel Brooks, Monty Python and the movie Airplane so…
I do feel the need to explain that at the time that I wrote this, I had only just been exposed to my very first Shakespeare and didn’t yet have an appreciation for, or the slightest understanding of any part of his literary style at all. I didn’t get that he was a master in his own right.
I found Shakespeare fans to be annoying and pretentious theater snobs that thought they were better than everyone else and I had no desire to join those ranks. So when I was assigned a piece to read and study in my 10th grade English class (it made so little impression on me that I can’t even remember what it was), I wrote this. I wrote out of rebellious irritation and frustration because I had no clue what any of it meant and felt stupid for not getting it. Strangely, my English teacher at the time didn’t seem to have a particular affinity for Shakespeare himself and didn’t spend much time exploring or really even explaining it all in class. And that was when the internet was new, so there was no Wikipedia to help me along and my school library didn’t have Cliffs Notes because that was “cheating”.
So I glazed over much of the rest of Shakespeare’s work (aside from the 90’s Romeo & Juliet film with Leonardo DiCaprio and Clare Danes which I maintain with gusto was a great representation of the piece) until I was in college and working toward my English degree. I had two instructors that were fucking awesome and they took my understanding and appreciation of Shakespeare to new heights.
Once I understood what I was reading, I devoured Shakespeare, studying a multitude of pieces often using side-by-side translations to assist me along with performances and films and any other type of visual aide, audio or media that I could find. I even performed a small bit of Richard III with a friend in the form of an abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous puppet show for a class full of adults (and my partner and children). It was a hot mess, but it was fun.
Today I am one of those Shakespeare theater snobs. I am enamored by any person that can create so many unquestionable treasures and masterpieces in a mere lifetime. And I do like to imagine that one of the many conspiracy theories surrounding Shakespeare’s identity is true and that Shakespeare was actually a woman writing as a man.
If you’re a Shakespeare snob like me, please share your favorite piece in the comments. Mine is The Tempest. And I love the film version with Helen Mirren playing Prospero. If you’re not a fan and think this whole post is absurd, that’s okay you can share that too. And we can still be friends. ;-)